I believe this katta story I am going to narrate would be the most epic in the IIT placement history.
So, just like any other days post December 1, after getting rejected from myriad (though this word is a overstatement in some way, to be honest 5 interviews) of interviews set on Day 5, it was again the evening time, the time at which placed janta leave for Hauz Khas Village to slake the thirst of their liver which has gone dry because whole last semester they were oblivion of such facts, I was gearing up for yet another aptitude test of a finance company called “Kabbage”. Scheduled at 7:30 PM, I reached the venue 15 minutes later which was packed with students and 10 invigilators. Giving stern look, one of them handed over me the question paper which I after accepting it courteously was looking for a pal who can help me in this state of distress. After the whole day buzz about, my mind was too worn out to solve those calculating questions. Pushing myself I managed to solve few question which were not sufficient to get me shortlisted for the interview. So I decided to take help of the companion sitting beside me. Imperceptible to the invigilators, I recorded down answer of 3-4 questions but my this knack did not lasted longer and one of the watchdog caught me red-handed. He,around in mid-twenties in age, snatched the paper from me and returned it after marking a big circle on it.
Me: Why did you mark that circle?
Watchdog: No, its ok. you can continue.
Me(getting little belligerent): Sir I am asking why did you mark on my paper?
Watchdog: I am saying its ok. If you want you can continue or hand over the paper and leave.
Giving him back the paper, I asked him to come outside the examination room as if i am threatening and challenging him.
After a five minutes spat,
Watchdog: You are behaving with me as if I never went to college. I too went to college and sat in the placement process too. So, if you want to come and take the test or get the shit out of here.
Me(with decibels as high that 2-3 of his companions could hear): B**** Ke L***, Tu maa c**** le
After hearing those torrents of abuse, he moved into the room and I walked away from there for my hostel cursing myself for the misconduct that i did.
While waiting for some another company XYZ interview, I got the news that my name is there in “Kabbage” company shortlist. Initially, I chose not to go but after persuasion from some of my friends that if selected, it would become a nice story to make a travesty of, I chose to give it a shot.
And then the unexpected happens, my 1st round interviewer was that very guy, whom I had spat with last evening. It happened as if entire universe is conspiring against me.
He(with unsparing face): So you were the guy, right? Yesterday?
Me(sitting embarrassed trying to collect confidence): Which guy sir?
He(unsmiling): One who lost his calmness yesterday?
Me(again embarrassed) : Sir, actually it was not actual me, I don’t know how it happened. I am very sorry for that. I know you won’t consider me for further rounds let alone getting selected but i am really sorry for my misconduct.
He(with smile on his face): you know what? Of-course you are not going to further rounds. I don’t know how you get shortlisted but I will make sure that you don’t appear for further rounds. Anyway, coming to point, just for the sake of formality, let me test you with these three puzzles.
Me(smile on my face as well): Ok sir. I know I can leave this interview cubicle right way but anyway, I will try to solve the puzzles if you want.
Out of three puzzles, i managed to solve two of them and when i was taking too much time to find the solution of third, he stopped me in the mid and asked me to bid farewell.
The Emotional Bank Account
We all know about financial bank account where we make deposits into it, build up a bank balance and then withdraw when needed. But have you ever heard of “The Emotional Bank Account”. It is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built in a relationship. It’s the feeling of safeness when you are with another human being.
If i make deposits into into an Emotional bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping my commitments with you, i raise up a reserve. Your trust towards me becomes higher and i can call upon that trust many times if i need to. I can even make some mistakes and that trust level (The Emotional Reserve) will compensate for it. My communication may not be clear, but you will understand me and get my meaning anyway. When the trust account is high, communication is easy and effective. If a large reserve of trust is not sustained by continuing deposits, relationships will deteriorate.
Our most constant relationships, like marriage & families, require most constant deposits. With continuing deposits, old deposits evaporate. If you suddenly run into an old school friend you haven’t seen for years, you can pick up right where you left of because earlier deposits are still there. But your accounts with the people you interact on regular basis require more constant investment. There are sometimes automatic withdrawals (like abusing and humiliating each other) in their perception of you don’t even know about. Building and repairing a relationship takes time just like your financial account requires you to work for years to build a reserve. Remember that quick fix is mirage.
Now one very simple questions arises. What things or stuffs compose the deposits of Emotional Bank Account. Here are the major deposits :
- Understanding the individual
It forms the basis of every other deposit because seeking to understand the another person is probably the most important deposit you can make. This is because of the fact that you simply don’t know what constitutes a deposit to another person until you understand the individual. What might be a deposit for you (like- spending time together, going on a dinner together) might not be perceived by someone else as deposit at all. It might even be taken as a withdrawal. It’s very possible that one person’s mission can be another person’s minutiae.
- Attending to little things
People are very benevolent, very sensitive inside. Inside, even with the toughened and cold-hearted exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart. The little kindnesses and courtesies are so important. Small discourtesies, little disrespectfulness make large withdrawals. In relationships, the little things are the big things
- Keeping commitments
Keeping a commitment is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal. If that promise is important to someone and you fail to keep it, no withdrawal is as massive as this one. The next time a promise is made, they won’t believe it because people tend to build hopes around promises. Therefor try to make them very carefully and be aware of all the variables that can suddenly come up and deprive you from completing it.
- Clarifying expectations
In any relationship, it is very important to clarify one’s expectation from another, because if they feel like that their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished. The deposit is to make the expectations and reckoning clear in the beginning. This may take a investment of time and effort up front, but it saves great amount of time down the road.
- Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal
We need to apologize sincerely, when we make withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account.
“I was so unkind to you.”
“I showed you no respect.”
Great deposits come in sincere words and apologetic actions.
If you are going to bow, bow low
One of the important thing to not here is don’t make withdrawals with repeated apologies which is interpreted as insincerity.
It is one thing to make a mistake and quite another not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind and of judgement. But if the mistakes are coming from heart and because of ill intentions, people are least likely to forgive it.